Episode Transcript
TBU Episode 55 Better Than Before
[00:00:00] Rowena: Hello, Two Booked Up friends. I'm Rowena Mabbott, and today we're diving into a book that many of you might have on your must read list, especially if you're on a quest to improve your daily life. Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin.
[00:00:17] I'm joined as always by the lovely Shelley Tonkin Smith. Hi, Shelley.
[00:00:22] Shelley: Hi, Ro. Yes, this book is all about habits. How we form them, why we break them, and most importantly, how we can use them to our advantage to create a life that feels a bit more like the one that we've always wanted. Because let's be honest, as busy working parents and business owners, we're all about looking for ways to make our lives smoother, more efficient, and Better. So that's why we love this book and that's why honestly we love all of Gretchen Rubin's books.
[00:00:57] Rowena: We sure do. We'll also share some personal stories about how we've applied or struggled to apply Gretchen's insights in our own lives. Plus, as always, we'll give you a couple of easy, actionable steps to take away
[00:01:10] Shelley: so just a reminder, we've discussed The Four Tendencies and Life in Five Senses in earlier episodes and so now today we're tackling habits with Better Than Before and I always have a lot to say about that. Habits. I've also discussed Atomic Habits in a previous episode. We'll link to all of those. So given we have heaps to chat about in this episode, let's get started.
[00:01:37] Welcome to Two Booked Up. I'm Shelley Tonkin Smith.
[00:01:41] Rowena: And I'm Rowena Mabbott. We're two well read best friends.
[00:01:44] Shelley: And now you are an honorary member of our book club. We're going to fast forward you to the mind blown and mic drop parts of those business and personal development books that are probably on your must read list.
[00:01:59] Rowena: Because as busy, multi passionate working parents, we know how hard it is to find time to read. But we also know how much you love learning, growing and making a difference in the world.
[00:02:09] Shelley: So. Treat yourself to a bit of bookish conversation, whether you've read the book or not.
[00:02:15] Rowena: With your two friends on Two Booked Up.
[00:02:24] Ah, Shelley, I am so excited to be talking about Better Than Before with you today. As we mentioned in the intro, we love Gretchen's books. You can listen to episodes 1 to 4 to hear us discuss The Four Tendencies, and episode 42 for our discussion of Life in Five Senses.
[00:02:40] Now this book, Better Than Before, is subtitled, What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life. Now that is a long subtitle,
[00:02:53] Shelley: yeah.
[00:02:54] Rowena: Yeah, it's a, it's a big one. Now here's a fun fact for you, Better Than Before was actually the first Gretchen Rubin book I read. And as a career and life confidence coach, I'm always interested in how habits can influence our overall wellbeing and success. But another fun fact. It was actually her research for Better Than Before that inspired Gretchen to come up with the Four Tendencies Framework.
[00:03:17] Isn't that cool?
[00:03:18] Shelley: It's super cool, and I love the Four Tendencies framework, and I just love how one book inspires the next one, that this, like, wave of creativity, or the circle of creativity, I love it so much. Yeah, and for me, between homeschooling my two boys and running a business, I'm always on the lookout for, for real strategies that work for me, and for my kind of
[00:03:42] yeah, just like busy life, but a life as a mom and a life as a businesswoman. I'm looking for those kinds of strategies to just manage the chaos that is life. There's a lot of improvisation that is needed and, and just feel like I'm getting traction, my word of the year, and progressing towards that..
[00:03:58] My Goals, and in Better Than Before, Gretchen explains how habits are the invisible architecture of our lives. And she gives all these beautiful practical tips on how to tailor habit forming strategies to fit your unique personality and lifestyle. And a lot of that is based on your tendency. So that's why I love this book so much, is that personal aspects of the way she addresses habits and discusses habits.
[00:04:31] So, I think what we'll do now, Rowena, we'll just talk through some of the central ideas of Better Than Before, and then we can get into a few of the strategies and tips that she highlights in the book. Of course, we won't be able to cover all of them we highly recommend that people go and get this book.
[00:04:49] I think if you are looking for a book on habit formation, this is a lovely one to . To go with, but let's just outline the kind of core central idea of better than before. And that is that habits free us from decision making and they help us to conserve our self control. They make change possible by creating an automatic framework for our actions.
[00:05:15] Rowena: Yes. So what Gretchen basically says is that the real key to habits is reducing the need to make those decisions. So when we make fewer decisions, we can serve our self control and which makes it actually easier to stick to habits. So we don't kind of wear ourselves out because we've got our habits, which means we keep our decisions for the stuff that matters.
[00:05:36] Shelley: yes, I love that part of it. It reminds me of Kendra Adachi Decide Once principle and like this idea of just kind of automatically, and that's why I also like this idea of habits being this invisible architecture of our daily life. It's like not even something that you see necessarily. But And it's actually a fact that about 40 percent of our actions are repeated daily in the same context, often without much conscious thoughts.
[00:06:05] And this is what habits are, they are these things that are done almost on autopilot. And I'll leave a link to an article that I found I think is quite pertinent here on the difference between habits and then which I've done very automatically and without too much like fanfare it's just automatic and then routines is just a series of things that you do one after the other, but there's a little bit more thoughts involved and maybe a few decisions need to be made along the way and then rituals, also a kind of routine and a kind of .
[00:06:40] Habit in a way, but rituals are more like, let's make this special, let's make this memorable. Let's put a lot of thoughts and intentionality into it. So that is an article from Ness Labs that we'll link to in the show notes, but back to habits, the automatic architecture our lives.
[00:07:00] What does Gretchen say about this one size fits all approach to habit formation, Rowena? Because you know, this is what got me in Atomic Habits is I think this like very preachy kind of do this, do that, and you'll be saved kind of kind of approach to habits. I really didn't like that.
[00:07:19] So what does Gretchen have to say about one size fits all?
[00:07:23] Rowena: Well, she would be with you. She says, no, one size fits all does not work. There isn't a single approach that works for everybody. Different people require different strategies based on their unique tendencies and personalities. So the tendency piece is no news to us because we've talked about the four tendencies and we know that she categorizes people into these.
[00:07:42] So if this is the first time you've listened, they are Upholders, Questioners, Obligers and Rebels. And of course Gretchen says, understanding your tendency helps in choosing the right strategy for habit formation.
[00:07:55] Shelley: Okay, so the four tendencies we've discussed in episodes one to four.
[00:07:59] So we won't get too deep into it now, but for me as a rebel, I'll give you a personal example, I resist internal and external expectations. And so then I am not like habit formation with rigid routines and that we, you know, we taken away decision making in, in habits, but if there's this rigidity and inflexibility in terms of a habit, then I'm gonna like, resist that.
[00:08:30] So when I now know my tendency, I know that I don't respond well to these expectations. I can customize my habit formation strategies according to my tendencies and according to my personality. And we're going to talk a little bit later , in terms of one of her strategies of identity. But I think , let's talk about some of these strategies that we can use bear it in mind that some of these strategies are going to work for some of us and others are not. So if you feel like, Oh, that's never going to work. That's cool. Like, but maybe give it a try. So yes, cause the rest of the book really goes into these strategies that you can use to implement good habits in your life.
[00:09:15] I think before I discuss those, we discuss those, I just want to highlight a passage from the book that I think is really an important first step when it comes to habits. She says, " as I looked for ways to make my habits more convenient and more pleasant, I realized that I should first consider whether I should maintain those habits at all. It's too easy to spend time on needless tasks, and some of my habits could be avoided altogether. Nothing can be more convenient than that. It's the secret of adulthood. The biggest waste of time is to do well something that we need not do at all."
[00:09:54] Rowena: Oh, mic drop.
[00:09:55] Shelley: yeah, that's a mic drop one, isn't it? I loved that because I think a lot of us tend towards this idea of habits, but I think the first step would be to think about what is worth making automatic and mindless in your life?
[00:10:11] Because perhaps It's actually time wasters or it doesn't deserve that kind of level of automaticity in your life. So think about the habits that you want to, cultivate in your life and then apply the strategies.
[00:10:26] Rowena: Yep, absolutely. . I was just thinking it's a little bit reminiscent of our conversation in our previous episode about From Strength to Strength, which is that idea of chipping away. And so I love that this is almost like another lens of looking at saying, hang on a minute, I don't need to just make everything a habit.
[00:10:44] What if there is some stuff I don't really want to do? I don't need to, I can remove it. And then I've just saved myself a whole lot of effort. So I like that we've connected it there. So,
[00:10:55] Shelley: That's a lovely connection.
[00:10:56] Rowena: Yeah, so Shelley, I might share some strategies
[00:10:59] Shelley: Yes. Let's talk strategies.
[00:11:01] Rowena: Great. Okay. So a few of the strategies that Gretchen talks about are things like scheduling, monitoring and using the concept of first things first to prioritize habits that align with your values and goals, which are obviously things we talk about a fair bit here. And I love that stuff as a coach, but I also like the strategies of convenience and abstaining. But first of all, let's talk about the strategy of scheduling.
[00:11:25] So it's about making a habit part of your daily routine by setting aside a specific time frame. Now we've talked about putting things on the calendar, like scheduling time. It reduces the pressure and it eliminates decision making by making habits automatic. And because you do it every single day, it helps it become a habit.
[00:11:46] Shelley: mm It reminds me of you. You don't actually put in your schedule, but you put it on your, to-do list. You put read on your to-do list. I remember you share that in a previous episode. And then it makes it a habit and everyday habits. If you put it on your schedule, I think it probably makes it even more powerful, but I know Rowena, your to do list , is the king of everything
[00:12:08] Rowena: My, schedule and my to do list are almost one in the same. I have a weekly planner and it's kind of got my to do list and my schedule all In one. So yeah, it's got read on there, but it also has things like walking, meditating, like all the things that I want to have as habits I've put on there.
[00:12:24] Because I'm an
[00:12:25] Shelley: Yeah.
[00:12:26] Rowena: I like to be able to put them on there so I can tick them off because as an upholder, I love ticking things off.
[00:12:32] Shelley: So there we go, knowing your personality, knowing your tendency helps you to choose a habit strategy. Whereas I do that myself, I kind of, I will have a basic broad schedule for the day, but I actually don't put it into time slots. And I have a tick box list. And if I don't get to it all, I'm cool with that.
[00:12:49] But then I do make myself rewrite it for the next day. So that in itself is like a way of doing it. Getting real about how much time do I have in my day, and how much can I actually do. But I've got choice in like what I do first. Now we mentioned the first things first strategy, I think there's the idea of doing the important stuff first, but as a rebel I quite like anything that I do first.
[00:13:12] Having a bunch of stuff that I want to do, but then I choose which order in which I do it. But yes, like, I think the idea of, of exercising, I think is an important one. If you, for example, decide that you want to go for a walk every day, and It's a lot more likely to happen if you go, all right, I'm going to schedule it for 7am or 9am.
[00:13:35] It's a lot more likely that it's going to happen if it's in the schedule, rather than if you just go, I want to walk more or like, or I want to walk some time today. So for me, that is like my Pilates. habits, I would say it's a habit now. Tuesday and Thursday, I've got a set time and I've got an instructor that's, that works with me on Zoom.
[00:13:56] So that is set, it's in the schedule. I know he's going to be there waiting for me. So there's a bit of accountability there too. And yes, it helps me even as a rebel to keep up with that habit
[00:14:08] Rowena: nice. And I think, as I mentioned, I've got a lot of mine on my to do list and schedule, but it really is about making things automatic and putting things in the schedule gives the habit a place to live which is important. So Shelley, would you maybe like to have a little chat about the strategy of convenience?
[00:14:26] Cause that's another one , that Gretchen talks about. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:14:29] Shelley: This one, it's a simple one in many ways, but the strategy of convenience is just all about reducing the friction for good habits to happen. And then increasing for the bad ones to not happen.
[00:14:46] Rowena: So it's a little bit like we've talked about before. So for example, if you want to read more, Gretchen suggests that you have a book beside your bed or carry one in your handbag, which we've talked about.
[00:14:57] A few times about how you can make things easier for yourself with the strategy of convenience.,
[00:15:02] Shelley: Yeah, we've got a whole episode on how to make more time for reading. That's episode 10. Basically, the idea is to make reading more convenient. And so the more convenient the habit is, the more likely you are to do it. So when I think of convenience, so Rowena, you know, we go on little holidays every six weeks.
[00:15:23] And I tell people this, people often go, Oh my goodness, that's crazy. And like, don't you get stressed out with all the packing but now what I've done is I've created a holiday kit. So I've got a pan that I really, like a proper nonstick pan that I know I'll be able to cook with and not whatever you, know, the horrible pans that you get at an Airbnb.
[00:15:43] And, I've got all my supplies. I've got a bunch of spices that I, like to take and it just stays in that kit and that enables me to basically get the family off and we can pack the car and, go, so we make the habits of going on holidays easier by sort of preparing beforehand, make it convenient. Yes.
[00:16:04] Rowena: So my example is not as exciting as that. Mine is more around Mine is combining the strategy of convenience and inconvenience. So I've made healthy eating choices for my boys and myself a lot easier by having a fruit bowl always full of easy to grab pieces of fruit or the pieces of fruit that my dad calls hand fruit.
[00:16:24] I think he means you can eat it with your hands. So things like apples or pears, bananas or mandarins. And so the, and it's also, Like a prime eye level, you know, what they call prime real estate on the, in the kitchen. So when the boys are hungry, or if I am, it's easy to grab that.
[00:16:38] So the chips and the chocolate, which is probably what we'd maybe prefer to eat, because that's what our bodies think they're hungry for. The chips are way up on a high shelf and the chocolate are in a box with a lid, which was also up on a high shelf. So I've made it really inconvenient, which is another strategy Gretchen talks about.
[00:16:55] So that's kind of my convenience, inconvenience thing.
[00:16:58] Shelley: Yeah. So I like it. I've added in that friction of like, Oh, are you sure you want these chips? Oh, you got to go right up there. You got to open the lid. You've got to like do a lot of work before and, and there's almost adding decision making before that. And I think she even suggests don't even buy the chips and the chocolate at all.
[00:17:17] But I don't know, Ro, like I love my 90 percent dark chocolate and I don't think I could do without that in the house. That is a staple in the, in the Smith household.
[00:17:26] Rowena: I think depriving ourselves of dark chocolate is a step too far. However, that is actually the strategy of abstaining and Gretchen does talk about that and she suggests that for some people it's a lot easier to give something up completely rather than indulging occasionally.
[00:17:43] Shelley: Yeah this part of the book was very interesting to me because I think it, you sometimes think, Oh, just to completely abstain. That feels hard. That feels rigid. But I think it's especially useful for people who feel they can't stop once they start just a little. And my son, he actually said to me the other day, he said, Mom , don't buy biscuits anymore.
[00:18:04] Cause I can't resist just stealing the biscuit when I feel like it. And so I've just, I've just stopped buying biscuits completely. And, and he's happy. He hasn't missed them. He doesn't feel deprived. He's actually happy to not have that thought, that decision of like, should I go and grab myself a biscuit?
[00:18:22] And also like, we don't eat bread. And so we just don't have it in the house. And he's just just go, we don't eat bread, we don't have bread. So then that, that strategy of abstaining helps make the decision easy.
[00:18:37] Rowena: I can completely relate to that, like for when I was cutting out dairy and gluten it was so much easier just to decide I'm not going to have any at all, because then I didn't have to keep negotiating with myself or with other people either, I didn't have to keep going, oh well maybe this time it was just a simple, I don't eat that.
[00:18:54] rather than feeling like I needed to make the decision anew each time or explain myself each time. So yeah, definitely the abstaining can really work, particularly around food items, I think.
[00:19:05] Shelley: yes. Whereas some people will need the opposite strategy of moderating. And actually that even if, if they just have a little piece of chocolate, they will then be satisfied and then they can move on with their day. And it's not like, Oh, I wish I could have that chocolate. It's all I can think about. So you've got to decide what works for you.
[00:19:25] And as you say, with food items, you might be, you need a different strategy to maybe, exercising more or other, healthy habits like that. So yes, maybe experiment with, are you a moderator or are you an abstainer?
[00:19:42] .
[00:19:42] yes. And then we have the strategy of loophole spotting. So yes,
[00:19:47] it's like all the sneaky little excuses that you, that you have for indulging in kind of bad habits. But yeah, this strategy is Gretchen's term for identifying all those excuses that we make that can then sabotage our habits. Yeah.
[00:20:07] Rowena: because I found that nearly every second excuse, I was like, Oh yeah, I've used that. Oh, Oh yeah, I've used that. And we did talk a little about this idea as well, when we discussed Feel Good Productivity back in episode 45. So, as I've just hinted at, we're actually all guilty of this.
[00:20:24] So Gretchen describes several types of loopholes, like the tomorrow loophole, where we tell ourselves it's okay to skip today because we'll definitely do it tomorrow. And so I think of my son saying, Oh, it's all right if I don't do trumpet practice today, because I'll definitely do it tomorrow.
[00:20:39] Or, you know, I don't do my yoga one day and it's okay, I'll do my yoga tomorrow.
[00:20:45] Shelley: Yeah, I use that one too. It's like, or even like, Oh, I'll do it next week. Even the next, week loophole. And I think it's yeah, it also makes me think of Oliver Bergman's of like imagining tomorrow as this like land full of possibilities that like, you've got now suddenly so much more time tomorrow
[00:21:02] and you don't.
[00:21:03] Rowena: right.
[00:21:04] Cause all, all the current challenges will have evaporated and you'll just have this whole day ahead of you to do whatever you want to. Yeah,
[00:21:11] Shelley: I want to start singing tomorrow from Annie right now, Rowena. So before we do that, oh, it is so lovely. But before we, we turn this into a musical podcast, let's talk about the strategy of identity, because I think that one is close to my heart as a rebel, it helps me in forming habits.
[00:21:30] Rowena: So look, the strategy of identity is particularly useful for rebels. And basically rebels, as Shelley already shared, avoid internal and external expectations. So they kind of just say, don't tell me what to do. And then if you try to, even them, they say that to themselves. You can't tell me what to do.
[00:21:47] You're not the boss of me, even though it's themselves. But interestingly, if a rebel sees a habit as part of their identity, they're more likely to stick to it. Now, Shelley, I know you've got a lovely example that you'd like to share. So would you like to? Elaborate a little bit about how you use this strategy of identity to help you.
[00:22:07] Shelley: Yeah, sure. I mean, this has been very helpful since learning my tendency. Because it's me for sure. Like these, like, rigid habit formation strategies don't always work for me. And sticking to a daily habit is challenging for me. But just recently, I have been doing a course it's called Learning in Depth.
[00:22:26] And the idea is that each day you get what's called a daily poke. And it's a small So I've been doing this series of little research assignments that you need to do every day. And when I signed up for this course, I thought, Oh, am I going to be able to keep up with the daily sort of deadlines and that rigidity of doing something every day.
[00:22:46] But I have been able to keep up with it. Every day, and I believe that it is because it fits with my identity and also my strength. It's less about like, Oh, meeting the deadline and Oh, like pleasing everyone else in the course. I, my identity, I see myself as a person who loves learning, a person who loves researching and finding out new things and then presenting that in a fun and creative way.
[00:23:14] So I think my identity has kept me going and kept me consistent, which is often a big challenge for me. If I have to just go, Oh, tick it off the calendar or like, you know, Oh, yay. Like seven days of drinking eight liters of water or something like that. That doesn't appeal to me, but appealing to my identity, I can find consistency and I just have.
[00:23:37] Rowena: Nice. And just to touch on that, when Shelley mentions her strengths, so Shelley's top signature strengths, there are 24 strengths and we all have 24 strengths, but Shelley's top ones, her very strongest ones, are curiosity, about how the world works, how people works and love of learning. They're both up there and they work beautifully hand in hand with Shelley's identity.
[00:24:00] So part and parcel, you'd have to say, do the strengths come first or did the identity come first? And the answer is neither. They work together. So it's a
[00:24:08] Shelley: and then you can use that, self knowledge to apply these different habit strategies, apply the appropriate kind of habit strategies that work to your strengths.
[00:24:18] Rowena: Yeah, and the personality part that we mentioned earlier, that's kind of where it ties in with your strengths. So your tendency is important, but also your personality.
[00:24:26] Shelley: So talking about personality and also tendencies, one of the tendencies that's actually the most common tendency is the Obliger and Obligers need accountability. And now Rowena, you are a great accountability partner for me. And often in habit formation, you need the accountability of somebody working with you.
[00:24:49] It can often be crucial, it can be the actual make or break. So especially for Obligers, you have to have accountability. Have accountability, external accountability, because that's what you respond to, is those external expectations. So Gretchen suggests, actually, that professional accountability, like with a coach like Rowena, might be important.
[00:25:12] Even more effective than a peer accountability arrangement. So as I say, Rowena is an excellent accountability buddy. I don't know, we're kind of like in a murky territory in terms of peer accountability versus professional accountability in some cases. I've worked with you professionally, but now we're kind of are peers, but you're an excellent accountability buddy for me.
[00:25:33] So can you speak to this idea of peer accountability? Just quickly about accountability and the importance of incorporating accountability into habit formation. Yes.
[00:25:46] Rowena: about, Shelley's a rebel, so hers is identity. That's what helps her form her habits. As an upholder, my, I do it because I like to tick things off, so I'm kind of my own accountability buddy. But as Shelley mentioned, about 60 to 70 percent of the population are obligers, which means that they are very good at doing things for other people, so external accountability, but they won't do it if they, if it's internal.
[00:26:10] So if they, if they think they want to do it, that's not enough to make them actually Go out and get it done. So having somebody hold them accountable works with the bit that is easy for them. So, an obliger is the sort of person who you say, can you pick up my kid from school?
[00:26:25] And they'll say, okay, sure. Because even if they don't want to do it, they don't want to let you down. So in order to create habits, they need to have that external accountability, especially if it's a habit that is harder to actually implement. So there are habits that are easier and harder habits, right?
[00:26:41] So the harder habits, you're going to be better off if you're an obliger to have some kind of external accountability. It could be having a friend waiting for you on the corner when you want to go for a walk so that you don't lie in bed because you know your friend's out there in the cold waiting for you and you think, I can't let my friend down.
[00:26:57] And that's peer accountability. But sometimes if it's a really big thing, like you wanna work on a big goal, like write a book or get a new job or something like that, you're gonna need to have somebody who is a little bit more of an arm's length relationship from you and can be a little bit more of a
[00:27:14] Shelley: Honestly, more, yeah, more professional that that's their job, like, and so that they have license to actually speak to, you know, speak and provide you with that accountability.
[00:27:24] Rowena: Yeah. Correct.
[00:27:25] Shelley: And yeah, there's levels of accountability. So you can use apps and, you know, like smartwatches and that kind of thing can also provide a certain level of accountability.
[00:27:33] But as you said, there's almost depending on the habits, you you might need up the, the Directness
[00:27:39] Rowena: the, up the power level,
[00:27:41] Shelley: Yeah, up the power level. We've got to go nuclear on this.
[00:27:46] Okay, but now, Rowena, in all of this, we have setbacks. And we're gonna have times where we start a good habit and we fall off the wagon.
[00:27:54] What does Gretchen say about that?
[00:27:56] Rowena: So well I love, Gretchen's got one of her special rules, one of her, I think she calls
[00:28:01] Shelley: What secrets of adulthood?
[00:28:03] Rowena: yeah. And it's basically which she says a stumble can prevent a fall. And so she emphasizes the importance of. When we do have a setback and recognizing that we all will and Don't let it derail you completely.
[00:28:17] So she also allows for something she calls the planned exception. And she reminds us that if we do it very thoughtfully and intentionally, it can prevent that stumble turning into a fall. So we can say, okay, we're going to have a, if we missed a day, we can say, okay, well, that's okay. I'm going to have that planned exception, but I'm back on.
[00:28:36] I'm going to do it again tomorrow. Instead of skipping it all and say, well, I've stopped now. I've missed the week. I might as well just wait and not do the rest for the week. So she does kind of talk about very practical examples in the book.
[00:28:47] Shelley: Yes, I like that. And it makes me think of her other idea of this no finish line mindset, because I think sometimes people are like, they see it as like a race, like the 1500 meter race that I used to be forced to run at school. And then you kind of think, oh, my goodness. But at least I'll just get to the finish line.
[00:29:07] And Honestly, we head into the finish line of this episode, so this is pertinent, but I think with habits, we've got to realize this is an automatic behavior that you're going to have for your whole life, potentially. There's not a finish line idea. Like often people, you know, we eat low carb and often people still go, are you still on that diet?
[00:29:24] Are you still, are you still eating low carb? And like, it's like, yes, we will be forever. Like this is working for us. There's no finish line to this habit. So she, Gretchen says that these good habits, And obviously, you know, you reassess different habits in your life and see, do they still align? But Gretchen says that the habits that we form should be seen as ongoing and not with something with a finish line.
[00:29:48] And I feel like this perspective really helps in sustaining good habits. It helps us also to, avoid like things like crash diets and all these like really unhealthy ideas of, you know, the intention is to start a good habit, but we, we see it as this, this quick fix. Habits are not that.
[00:30:10] Habits are long term, like, you know, life journeys. And so don't, don't see that there's a finish line to your habits. It's just, it's like, you're new you, when you start a new habit. And that's why I'll just bring it back to the beginning of like, decide whether this habit deserves a place in your life.
[00:30:29] Rowena: Yeah, absolutely. And I'd also add, be prepared to review your habits. So It's not a one and done. You don't set some habits up and then say, right, that's my habit now forever, because some habits do need to change. I think of the example of my my dad never put suncream on so that he never got in the habit of putting suncream on.
[00:30:49] And so now he needs to get in the habit in his seventies of wearing a hat all the time and putting suncream on every day because he has so much skin damage from not putting the suncream on. So he's now has a, to acquire a new habit, which is remembering to Every time he leaves the house to put a hat on.
[00:31:05] So it's not, we are always gonna be acquiring new habits and it's about deciding which habits we can leave.
[00:31:11] The idea is that it's not a finish line. It's not one and done. We will constantly be evolving and shifting, and as the world changes, our habits will change too.
[00:31:21] I guess that leads us to the summation. So for me, I think Better Than Before is full of fabulous insights. I love that Gretchen gives you plenty of tools to figure out what works for you. I also really like the message that she is very clear on, which is that it is not about following someone else's plan, but it is completely about understanding yourself and using that self knowledge to build habits that work for you and that will last.
[00:31:49] So Shelley, what about you? What's your, what's your feeling about this book?
[00:31:52] Shelley: Yeah. Overall, I agree with what you've just said there, Ro. And all the ideas that she shares make it a super practical book. It's such an empowering approach to me. You know, you'd learn about your tendency, you build up some self awareness, and then you work out from there what will suit you.
[00:32:11] And so, as I said in the beginning, I feel like it's so much better than Atomic Habits, which I know a lot of people, like, they will read it once a year. I think, I would suggest replace Atomic Habits with Better Than Before. Read this one once a year. Because I think also you can go and review and go, Oh, as I've got to know myself more, could I implement some different strategies?
[00:32:30] And I think there's so much more room for As you've mentioned, like seasonal change, as your life changes, as you change as a person, you'll be able to implement so many cool new strategies from this book, Better Than Before. So yes, I would suggest if you are looking to make positive changes and using the architecture of habits and To make those changes in your life, this book really will be a fantastic help.
[00:32:58] Rowena: And if you want to hear Shelley's bit of takedown on Atomic Habits, you can listen to that back in episode 23, and we'll leave a link in the show notes. But now we're up to our regular feature, our Choose Your Own Adventure. So Shelley, it's over to you. Can you please give us two suggestions listeners could try?
[00:33:17] Shelley: All right. So option one for choose your own adventure is just to take the first step. So identify one habit that you want to form and then decide, do I prefer to start small? We're often about starting small here. Or do I want to go big? Because sometimes it actually can help to have a go big moment. And then whatever it is, small or big.
[00:33:41] Take that first step today, whether it's a small change or this big bold blast that signals, ha, today's the day that I start this new habit. So that's option one. And then your option two Is think of, and maybe this, these options should have been switched around, but option two is to think of a habit that you want to start or that you think you should maintain.
[00:34:05] And then just go and consider whether it's actually worth starting or maintaining that habit at all. So whether it's waking up at 5am for meditation or journaling before bed or exercising regularly or cutting carbs or learning bass guitar all of those things could be good habits. So, if the answer is yes, I want to do this habit, I want to implement this habit in my life.
[00:34:30] And it's worth it, then go for it. You've got lots of strategies in the book to make that habit automatic. But if the answer is no, then let the habit go and don't feel bad that like you're not, you know learning the bass guitar and you've been wanting to, maybe just let it go for now. So Rowena, before we wrap things up, our other regular feature is to share what you are reading at the moment. And it's your turn this week.
[00:34:55] Rowena: Okay, well I've not been reading much fiction lately because I've been focusing instead on nonfiction because I'm in creative writing mode working on the next Single in Sydney Book. So what I've just finished reading is The Hospital by the River by Dr. Catherine Hamelin. She was an Australian obstetrician and gynecologist who, with her husband Reg Hamelin, co founded the Addis Ababa fistula hospital in Ethiopia. So this book was actually a Two Booked Up reading challenge book where it said read an autobiography. And this one is her autobiography.
[00:35:29] Now Dr. Hamelin is a very devout Christian, which is ,referenced numerous times throughout, which sometimes felt a little jarring, but mostly all of her action was just awe inspiring, especially given her lifelong dedication to the fistula sufferers of Ethiopia, majority of whom continue to be very, very poor, uneducated women, often married off as mere children and then deserted by their husbands after a traumatic labor.
[00:35:56] So it is not a light read. It's quite emotional. I definitely shed a few tears and felt quite churned up reading it, but I'm very pleased that I have read it.
[00:36:06] Shelley: Oh, wow, Ro. Yes, I read Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese years ago, and it's a fiction book, but it was on the same issue.
[00:36:17] Rowena: Yeah. It's hot. It's heartbreaking stuff.
[00:36:20] Shelley: It is heartbreaking. It was so heartbreaking. And I don't know if you'd want to, want any more of that.
[00:36:25] But yeah, and you're in your fiction hiatus at the moment. But yeah, Cutting for Stone was a good sort of fiction take on that. And just also a lesson in how fiction can bring like these difficult topics to light as well.
[00:36:38] But yes, let's continue the conversation about habits and about books in general.
[00:36:44] You can connect with me on LinkedIn. I'm Shelley Tonkin Smith, and you can learn more about my copywriting services and resources for online service providers and educators over at shelleysmithcreative.com. And where can our listeners find you, Rowena?
[00:37:00] Rowena: you can find me at Rowena Mabbott on Instagram, also Rowena Mabbott on LinkedIn and visit RowenaMabbott.com for information about my coaching services, books and my brand new free guide of how to love your job.
[00:37:13] Shelley: And of course, remember to visit twobookedup. com for show notes and to download that 24 for 2024 reading challenge PDF for free.
[00:37:23] Rowena: I'm Rowena Mabbott and I'm going to revisit my habit stacking and see where I can incorporate a new habit with an existing one.
[00:37:30] Shelley: Nice. And I'm Shelley Tonkin Smith, and we'll see you in two weeks time for another episode of Two Booked Up.
